The Chant of Savant

Sunday 2 June 2013

This is special for al Ustaadh Kikwete

Dear your Excellency sheikh Jake Kikwete,
Assalaam Alaykum Wallahmatullillahi Wabarakatuhu.
 Take note that it took me hours to decide how I'd communicate with you. Being your biggest fan, it’s not easy to decide to differ from you. You know what. Since those time of promising maisha bora kwa wote that turned out to be maisha balaa, I've always trusted you religiously. I've concurred with you almost in all issues you raised and the words you said even if they caused me suffering. The other day my wife narrowly survived a divorce after saying that your wife whom they taught together at a certain primary school’s aloft and forgot the way they suffered together.
Jokes aside, a few years ago one shenanigan cheated death by the skin of his teeth after I attacked him with kung fu and judo for saying that your promises of Maisha bora was a big lie any politician in this hunk’s ever told.  To show my love to you, I spent many months without going to swallow kanywaji at our pub after such bad words were uttered against you.
Given that you know I’m the guy who can shed his precious, and ‘expensive’ blood for you, I’m sure you’ll take my advice seriously especially on this sensitive issue of religious bigotry-cum- hooliganism.
True, this time after you said that those sowing the  seeds of hatred among our people are foreigners I decided to disagree with you for the first time. Sorry about that. So too, sorry about not calling your doctor like those who don’t know how one becomes a doctor do. I've a number of reasons why I decided to part ways with you.
I divorced you after you’re quoted as saying that those causing religious mayhem to our hunk are foreigners. Sir, I beg to differ. They’re but home-grown terrorists waiting to attack. I’ll humbly give you a few of them and how they’re created by Satan himself or herself. Who knows his or her sex?
Home-grown terrorists were created when some sick and skin politicians started preaching religious hatred especially when they branded Chama Cha Wananchi (CUF) an Islamic-cumPemba’s party. Being megalomaniac and stupid, the same politicians are now saying that Chama cha Demokrasia na Maendeleo (CHADEMA) is a Christian-cum-Chagga’s party.  Wameishiwa hao. Sadly though, such goons are not saying that Chama Cha Mapinduzi is Fisadi-cum-Fisi’s party.
Now let me tell you how to go about this mess in your house. Firstly, ban these damn mihadhara conducted by illiterates or semi illiterates who've got neither job nor means of sustaining themselves but only through enticing their masters wherever they're.
Secondly, fight graft that’s causes destitution that forces people to apply any tricks of survival even if it means to exterminate our hunk. Hawa jamaa ni njaa na ujinga vinavyowahangaisha. Arrest and jail them. Even in Saudi Arabia where Islam’s born such megalomania isn't allowed.
Thirdly, instead of fighting religious bigotry verbally just do it practically. Swahili’s it that empty words can’t break the bone. You've already said a lot if not too much.  You know what. Actions speak louder than words.
One boozer said that saying that the terrorists preaching hatred in our hunk are foreigners is but hogwash and a lie of the year.   He taxed you to mention their names. He even cautioned about saying you know them just like you did when you said you know those selling drugs in the hunk without apprehending even a single person. He added that your government’s made by a bunch of thieves and con men and con women who’re after self-serving. This fyatu’s talking like a barrel of gun. He added that by consisting of such bête noires, it is but a damn seating-lame duck or a do-nothing cabal of wicked creatures headed by you.  He’d to run for his life before completing his insults. For, I removed my knife from its sheath to slit his neck and feed his tongue to dogs.
After the fyatu escaped I told listeners that it’s a storm in the cup of tea and you won’t be moved by anybody. Uh-oh! Though I differ with you, I can’t say such nonsensical things. Again, please sir, fight this cancer scientifically instead of fighting verbally. It is but an advice.
Who are we to tell the naked truth next week? Top secret! Again, who knows? Maybe, just maybe it’ll be Prof Anna Tiba-Ijuka shall our ever smart building go on crucify her. Maybe, J4 Kawa-dog who inflated the results or Fake Doctor Emmy Nchimbi whose docket needs to be erased if not being given to a sane man or woman.
By the way, Vasco da Gama was seen in Tokyo recently enjoying with his Queen Imelda Sally.
As for Mihadhara full of madhara, please Ustaadh, Sheikh Jake, keep a distance from those goons. They may be the causal agents for you to be invited to the ICC after some souls are neutralized in this megalomania. As for Ntwara’s stuff, try to sit down with the Chingas instead of dispatching Jeshi la Walevi wa Tanzia. It won't work.
Ya Ustaadh Wabillahi Tawfiq.
Source: Thisday Jan. 3, 2013. 

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